This story of generosity and “touch” was recently sent to me. The author wishes to remain anonymous. It’s a beautiful story of pain, redemption, healing, and a willingness to be used by Jesus.
I had come to the realization a while ago that God wanted me to get involved with abuse victims. That’s what I have to offer hurting people. Acceptance, compassion, and understanding. A heart that is broken to the pain abuse victims have to deal with. But I needed to experience healing in my own life. So my husband and I have continued to work with our Christian counselor because we’ve needed to get a “firm foundation” in our marriage so I can be stable as I serve and reach out to others.
Then a few weeks ago I had the opportunity to talk with a woman whose small son was abused. A few days after talking and crying with her, I fell apart. I didn’t think that I could work with abuse victims, especially not after seeing my reaction to this situation. It caused too much pain for me. Too many feelings of inadequacy. Too much fear and hurt and brokenness. I didn’t think I could do this anymore. I was too afraid.
During Northshore’s Generosity series, God kept pointing me towards reaching out to abuse victims. Every week. With every topic. But I fought Him. Couldn’t He see I was not equipped? Couldn’t He see I was not good enough? Couldn’t He see that I was too afraid? Couldn’t He see that I have had enough of pain and suffering in my life? I have no strength left to deal with this anymore. I wanted Him to leave me alone.
One evening in my small group, we talked about Generosity value “Treasure.” I almost didn’t go to small group. I wasn’t feeling very good and began to come up with excuses. I have discovered in the past that when that happens there is probably something that I need to see and hear, and often I realize that Satan is trying to discourage me. So I went anyway. During Pastor Jonathan’s message on “Treasure,” he said something that took on a whole new meaning at our small group: “Sacrifice has been defined as a willingness to give up something I love for something I love even more.” That statement permeated my heart. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I was listening to some music. There was a song about the path that God has put us on. He wants to use our life to reach out to others. To heal others. To love others into His kingdom. It finally all came together for me. My abuse is a gift for others. Like Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, I get the blessing of giving up me for others. For His kingdom. And I am at peace and am no longer fighting with God.
How can Jesus use your story and your pain for His work and healing in others’ lives?